Current matter

Today, I met a Burmese girl. I have spoken out what I have faced. Her response is quite supportive to me, not what I expected before. The thing I spoke out is especially my failures in my studies and my difficulties.

Actually, I am the type of person who tries to avoid the problem and hide it and not like facing and solving instantly. That's my weakness. Moreover, if I have any problem, I feel sad that I cannot solve it and I never think about solving it or how to solve it, and I don't believe my ability especially my programming knowledge and lack of confidence. Oh, let's stop writing about my weakness, I have more to write about my weaknesses.
Because of her supportive advice, I dare to face the problem, I consider it and I am thinking about the way to solve it, to approach it.

I really can't believe and understand myself why I let it fail, and dare to happen like that. But, I do not do it deliberately. How can I fail the things deliberately? I have no guts to let it happen.
If so, what is the main causes? I failed because I don't care, or because I am too confident about myself or because I am too lazy or because I am too weak or because I am not interested in it or because I am too stupid.

I really wanna know. Nobody except me knows the reason that I failed.

So, the possibilities are that I have very few knowledge about programming. Yeah, I could not accept that fact earlier because I thought that I have enough knowledge in programming and I could write programs. In reality, I cannot. Honestly I cannot.

Because of misconception about myself, I did not pursue it very seriously. So, when it was actual time to write the program, I could not write, and have found loads of delay in progress. Because of that delay, I felt hopeless and thought that there is no way to study and felt hesitant to study from the starting point. Actually, I should have done from the starting point. But, I did not because I thought that I knew. But I do not.

The time I realized myself about my programming knowledge and there was much delay in my project, I did not care much because I believed that I managed to finish it one day. That day has not come on time to meet the deadline. So everything is getting wrong.

Oh, what did I do? How could I overcome?

Yeah, firstly, I will get the full consequences of my failures, my laziness, my ignorance. And, those consequences will affect my future job. But, I can't do anything right now for it.
Just accept them.
But, there should be some ways to save me and my future. I have to find them. At the same time, I should get rid of bad habits and ways of thinking. Otherwise, I cannot reach to the goal I want. It is the most difficult thing to control myself and change my ways of thinking and personality. But, I have to do. And I should be positive for everything I have faced. I should not cry easily and give up easily.

I should consider what I need to do and what I want to do, and then go for it.

I dream a dream

There has been one silly or... dream since I was young till now and forever. That's I wanna be a well-known person. As an only daughter from my mum, there were not kids to play with me. So, I was always alone, played alone and talked alone like a mad . And, I became fond of daydreaming. I dreamed alot. I dreamed about myself and put my image in different characters.

Since I was young, I never wanna be a doctor or engineer like other kids used to say to parents. You know what I always said to my mum, what I would be when I grew up. :)
I wanna be the president. Yeah, I used to write "President my name" at the first page of my diary.

When I was about 12, I loved learning History. I started learning about Edison, Einstein, Graham Bell, and their great inventions. At that time I wanna be scientists, because they are well-known. Their biographies and their inventions are recorded in my History textbook. I always imagine that my name could be in the book, next generation will have to learn about me.

When I was 14, I had a very big and secret ambition (no more secret now)--- I wanted to be the wife of Prince William. I have started to know about him from the magazines. Their lives are like life in paradise. At the time, I did not know much about citizenship or any requirement to become his wife. If somebody asks me what about now,,, I will say "No, and Never" because I wanna be famous not because of somebody else.

As soon as I finished taking my matric exams, I wanna go to abroad. I only knew about Singapore which is like there is only one country in the world. :) I dreamed alot about my future career Singapore. I will study Business Management there and blah blah. But, I could not.

But I chose totally a different course without any determination and passion. I did it for three years to get the degree.
I arrived here to study postgraduate course for the same field.

When I look around, most of the people are very satisfied with what they have got and happy their normal lives while struggling to fulfill their basic needs. As time goes by, I realize that some of my dreams are unrealistic and cannot happen. But, I still wanna be a well-known person before I die. I cannot know how many years I can live. In Buddhism, we believe that it is really difficult to get a life as a human being. While I am alive, I really want my dream comes true. But, I have no idea to make it come true. I think a girl in my age should know where she will go and what she will do for her future. Am I too greedy? Am I too dreamy? or Am I too stupid?

p.s. The title of the post is taken from the song, "I dream a dream"

Kiss from a rose

It was old and copied by Lay Pyuu.
I dunno why I listen this song for many times now.
I listen this song not because of it's lyrics or meaning,,,
But, I close my eyes and listen to it, all the melody and tune from the song are like flowing in my brain and body. Wonder how he can sing this song and wonder why black ppl are better and better in every sector. What about Asian ppl? What about ppl from my country?

September

Oops, I haven't written anything in August. I think I found a good house to stay for 6 months. But, I am still working on my dissertation and how I can finish it. I really want to get it done successfully but the time is quite limited now. :(
Now it is already in the middle of Sept. It's gonna one year on 16th Sept since I came UK. A lot of not only wonderful but disappointing things happened to me this year. Meeting nice people is the one of best rewards of my time while I stay away from my family. Although I've got that reward , I've found afew bad people.
Let's make a list of improvement that I have achieved.
Personality :

• much tidier :)
  
• know how to manage my time
• more frankly and friendly for friends
• learn a lot of different ppl characters
  
• no more scared and shy to go new places and meet new ppl.

Education:

• I've learnt a lot of things,
• found out a lot of things to learn in IT sector
• become more decisive to fight till the end

Bad things happened in this year:

• can't live without Internet, I think I overuse it
  
• sometimes terribly lazy and postpone to get things done
• too fussy for everything I've got

I shouldn't carry those things next year of living here. I still have time to correct it. Arr, one more thing I have to learn how to type in Burmese and write some short stories in my own language.
Ok let's get my project done first coz that's my first priority. I have to fight till the end. Fighting!!!

Come on, August

Busy Busy Busy. August is warmly welcoming me with lots of works. I think this time is gonna be the toughest moment in my life. How could I overcome all of them? Have to take exam, submit two freaky courseworks, one big dissertation, and have to hunt the house as well.
Can I do all of them successfully and completely?
The good thing is I will be the part-time IT tutor in my uni from Sept. ;)
However, August will come before Sept.

IT GEEKs

One politician, One thief & One Programmer died & went straight to hell.

Politician said "I miss my country. I want to call my country and see

how everybody is doing there." She called and talked for about 5 minutes,

then she asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Five million dollars".

The Politician wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

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Thief was so jealous! s, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the my group

members, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"

He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil

how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "Ten million dollars".

With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

---------------------

Programmer was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call my IT friends too",

He called other IT person and he talked for twenty hours about various

technologies and Project Managers, he talked & talked & talked, then he

asked "Well, devil how much do I need to pay for the call????

The devil says "No Need to pay".

Programmer is stunned & says "Why ??"


Devil says




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"Calling hell to hell is Free!!! "

//lol, but i dont like this joke, Is IT professional life that bad? Took it from here

19thJuly

Today, I visited my host family who live in the same city with me. Wow, they are quite nice and kind to me. I really did not expect that English people are so polite and gentle. Mostly, I always thought that they could not have sort of bindings and relationship, which we have in our Burmese family, between them. O.M.G, I'm totally wrong, they adore each other very much and Grannies and grand kids play together and had very good time. Dad and Mum look after their children and treat them very well but with some ground rules. Kids obey their parents. Or, maybe that is the one and only nice family, or i don't know. ;)

Everything looks brilliant after submitting my interim report. But, I still have loads of things to do for my project. :( Why have i been so lazy in these days? It is only me who can save me or destroy me at the same time, isn't it?

Anyway, I can publish a post for memorial of 19thJuly. May you all rest in peace.