Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Current matter

Today, I met a Burmese girl. I have spoken out what I have faced. Her response is quite supportive to me, not what I expected before. The thing I spoke out is especially my failures in my studies and my difficulties.

Actually, I am the type of person who tries to avoid the problem and hide it and not like facing and solving instantly. That's my weakness. Moreover, if I have any problem, I feel sad that I cannot solve it and I never think about solving it or how to solve it, and I don't believe my ability especially my programming knowledge and lack of confidence. Oh, let's stop writing about my weakness, I have more to write about my weaknesses.
Because of her supportive advice, I dare to face the problem, I consider it and I am thinking about the way to solve it, to approach it.

I really can't believe and understand myself why I let it fail, and dare to happen like that. But, I do not do it deliberately. How can I fail the things deliberately? I have no guts to let it happen.
If so, what is the main causes? I failed because I don't care, or because I am too confident about myself or because I am too lazy or because I am too weak or because I am not interested in it or because I am too stupid.

I really wanna know. Nobody except me knows the reason that I failed.

So, the possibilities are that I have very few knowledge about programming. Yeah, I could not accept that fact earlier because I thought that I have enough knowledge in programming and I could write programs. In reality, I cannot. Honestly I cannot.

Because of misconception about myself, I did not pursue it very seriously. So, when it was actual time to write the program, I could not write, and have found loads of delay in progress. Because of that delay, I felt hopeless and thought that there is no way to study and felt hesitant to study from the starting point. Actually, I should have done from the starting point. But, I did not because I thought that I knew. But I do not.

The time I realized myself about my programming knowledge and there was much delay in my project, I did not care much because I believed that I managed to finish it one day. That day has not come on time to meet the deadline. So everything is getting wrong.

Oh, what did I do? How could I overcome?

Yeah, firstly, I will get the full consequences of my failures, my laziness, my ignorance. And, those consequences will affect my future job. But, I can't do anything right now for it.
Just accept them.
But, there should be some ways to save me and my future. I have to find them. At the same time, I should get rid of bad habits and ways of thinking. Otherwise, I cannot reach to the goal I want. It is the most difficult thing to control myself and change my ways of thinking and personality. But, I have to do. And I should be positive for everything I have faced. I should not cry easily and give up easily.

I should consider what I need to do and what I want to do, and then go for it.

1 comment:

  1. ညီမေရ သတိရလုိ႔ လာတာ။ ကုိယ္ခံစားေနရတာကုိ ရင္ဖြင့္လုိက္ရတာ ပုိသက္သာ သြားမယ္လုိ႔ ထင္ပါတယ္။ ခြန္အားသစ္ေတြ အျပည့္နဲ႔ ဆက္ႀကိဳးစားလုိ႔ ရတာေပါ့...